Resurrected Dead Horse

Yesterday, I volunteered at the mental hospital. This facility is for patients struggling with various mental disorders, and each Sunday, they ask a different YSA ward to take care of sacrament meeting. It's a beautiful experience. As a cherry on top, I was asked to give a talk on faith and hope.

I love Heavenly Father; sometimes, He gives me talks as a huge hint as to what I need to work on.

At the hospital as I looked out over the congregation, I felt connected to them; I could see the pain and struggle in their faces, and I felt like in many ways, I was among kindred spirits. So I started to share things more personal that I had originally planned, saying something like this...

"Have you ever been in so much emotional pain that your  literal heart hurts constantly? To have no reprieve even when you sleep because you have nightmares every night? This was my life at about two years ago. It took tremendous effort to keep going, and I took on a study of Alma 5 in an attempt to find healing. I took particular interest in the difference between faith and hope.

Russel M. Nelson says, "Faith is rooted in Jesus Christ. Hope centers in the Atonement." This, combined with my personal experiences, tells me that the difference between faith and hope is the same as the difference between believing in Christ and believing Christ. Faith is a a belief in something true, whereas hope is the uplifting acceptance that something is true for me personally. Hope allows the Atonement to become effective in my life, because hope allows me to open my vulnerable heart to His healing power. 

The Savior lived, suffered, and died so that He could succor all of us according to our very individual needs. Choose to believe Him as well as believe in Him. He loves us, and even when it feels like there is no end to suffering, things get better through the Atonement of Jesus Christ."

As I gave this talk, I knew that what I said was true. I had first hand experience. I had felt the intense, undeniable healing power of the Atonement.

But do I feel so now?

The details of my story are different. A couple years ago, I learned about how the Atonement can alleviate pain. But now I need to learn more about how the Atonement can change my deepest fears and struggles. I haven't trusted my Savior like I should, and I haven't trusted my connection to Him like I should, preferring to listen to other people that think that they know what is best for me...I'm a slow learner. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father has found different ways to beat this dead horse; this dead horse is quite appreciative that through the Atonement, it can live again.

I'm grateful for those who support me. I have people that love me so much, and they have tried their absolute hardest to help me. But in the end, it is only my Savior that can help me. Only He and I, working together, can heal and change me. And this day, I choose to allow Him to make that difference. I choose to trust my Savior with my heart.