How (in part) Heavenly Father is Fair When Life Isn't

I talk a lot about how grateful I am for the people in my life and the experiences I have. I've been extremely blessed. I've always been surrounded by wonderful people that I can learn from, and I've always had the gospel in my life. And like anyone else, I'm strongly shaped by the circumstances of my birth and upbringing.

But I also realize that not everyone has stellar backgrounds. Some people have childhoods that haunt them rather than bring them hope, and they don't want those early influences.

But here is something fantastic. None of us are inherently evil because all of us chose to follow our Savior before we were born. The question is whether or not we want to continue following Him by using His Atonement, and "following Him" is a description of progression, not of individual circumstances or choices.

All of the good choices that we made in the pre-mortal life predispose us towards returning to Heavenly Father, whether or not we remember those choices. This experiment demonstrates that point:

There is a condition called anterograde amnesia where people cannot form new memories. In an experiment, patients with this condition were asked to rank six pictures in order from least liked to most liked, and after doing so, the test administrators asked them to choose from their third and fourth preferences for a copy that would be sent to them later in the mail. After the patients chose, the administrators would leave and come back a half hour later, verify that the patients remembered absolutely nothing (including which picture they would own), and then would administer the test again. Oddly enough, their preferences changed. The picture they had chosen to own earlier suddenly was ranked more favorably, and the picture they hadn't chosen was ranked less favorably.(The Surprising Science of Happiness)

In short, they had genuinely changed their desires with the choices that they had made, even though they couldn't remember.

And in spiritual terms, Elder Holland put it this way:

"We must always remember that these investigators, every man, woman, and child, were among the valiant who once overcame Satan by the power of their testimony of Christ! So when they hear others bear that witness of Christ’s saving mission, it has a familiar feeling; it brings an echo of truth they themselves already know."(Jeffrey R. Holland, "Missionary Work and the Atonement)

But then why do people make poor choices? If we have a good foundation from before we were born, why do we stray from it?

First off, let's make one thing clear: our final judgment isn't on whether our hearts are perfect yet--if we had perfect hearts, we wouldn't succumb to sin, and very few of us will reach that point before the first resurrection--but rather we are judged on the direction we are headed. In other words, we are judged on how willing we are to use the Atonement of Christ. Elder D. Todd Christofferson put it beautifully:

"Our invitation to the world is to come unto Christ. Coming unto Christ is an abbreviation, a way of describing in three words the plan of salvation. It means to obtain the fruits of His Atonement and Resurrection—ultimately eternal life. Eternal life depends on the exercise of our moral agency, but it is possible only through the grace of Jesus Christ. To come unto Him means to do what is required to lay hold upon that grace—the pardoning, sanctifying, transforming, redeeming power of His infinite, atoning sacrifice." (D. Todd Christofferson, "Why We Share the Gospel")

This brings me tremendous comfort. We all have a good foundation from before we were born, and it doesn't matter if we start in unequal circumstances, because "coming to Christ" is a direction that can start from any position. And indeed, we all start from different positions in life, hence I loved my childhood whereas some people try to escape theirs. Even our starting velocities are different in part because of our initial positions; because I was exposed to the Gospel early, I could start life by heading directly towards Christ, whereas someone raised in a abusive, drug-addict home might start life heading in the wrong direction. After all, as children we tend to accept the directions and habits of those around us.

But our acceleration is what counts. A person can spend their whole life doing  bad things--heading in the wrong direction--but if they are doing less and less bad things, their acceleration will ultimately turn them around and bring them closer to Christ.  And for an object to accelerate, it needs a force to act on it; in this scenario, we can either choose the Atonement of Jesus Christ or the influence of Satan to change our paths. Even if we only have the desire to be good, even if we can only long to escape the wickedness in which we were raised or fell into, we can allow the Atonement to change our hearts so that we "have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually"(Mosiah 5:2).  On the other hand, we can allow Satan to undo our progress if we find his way more enticing.

So yes,  people make poor choices because of factors relating to both nature and nurture. But any given choice doesn't define a person; it is their progression through their choices that determines what they eventually will become. Our Father sees us in the context of our eternal existence, and He would never let someone fail to return to Him simply because of the circumstances of their mortal upbringing.  Like the parable of the talents, our test is whether or not we can improve on what we've been given (both internally and externally), and the only way to improve on who we are is to allow the Savior to change our hearts through His Atonement. And we're in luck! The omnipotent, omniscient God of this universe is intimately involved in the details of our lives, helping us to reach a point where we're willing to accept grace. We aren't born into optimal circumstances, but He planned for that, and if there is an conceivable way that we will choose to return to Him, He knows it and will help it come to pass. AND, we don't only have this life to determine where we want to be, hence there are missionaries in the spirit world. In short, Heavenly Father is very good at bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man!

So the real question is, did we like our pre-mortal childhood enough to return to it again? Our souls remember our pre-mortal upbringing; are we willing to nurture the good foundation we had before this life, or do we find this fallen world more enticing? Are we willing to start where we are and head towards the light, however distant it might be?

Are we willing to accept the Atonement of our Savior?

Colored by Childhood

Last week, I bought some fresh green beans for the first time. When I cooked them, it really surprised me how much genuine pleasure I had in their texture and taste. Let's be honest; how many of us taste any plain vegetables and just melt because of how good they are?

My positive reaction to green beans wasn't necessarily because of their virtue, but rather because I was overwhelmed with memories from my childhood. I remembered going outside during the summer to search for green beans in our garden, picking through the snaking vines, verdant leaves, and dappled sunlight. My mom and little sister Alysia were there too; Stacy couldn't participate yet, so I was probably around seven years old. I loved it so much that I would imagine building a house with wire mesh walls and ceilings covered in green bean plants. After harvesting, I was always proud as I brought in a bowl of my finds  to my dad so that he could cook them.

I've been realizing lately how much my childhood memories affect my perceptions and connotations. I'll be sitting in the car, listening to music, and I'll react positively to an 80's song the comes on; then I'll remember standing in front of my house, hearing 80's music drift from the garage where my dad is working with his tools. Or on the other hand, a classical song will come on, and I'll remember my dad reading a newspaper on the couch while a recorded orchestra plays; I can't help but appreciate music that reminds me of these happy, warm moments.

A strong part of my identity is that of caretaker; I feel a strong need to take care of people and make sure that they're OK. My earliest memory--or at least that I can think of--comes from a pre-school activity where I went to the zoo. I was probably four years old, and we painted our own shirts before we went. Because my little sister Alysia was only a year old, my mom started off by helping her. In that moment, I realized that I was an older sibling, and I needed to take care of my sister. I realized that the world wasn't always about me, and therefore my thoughts shouldn't be either. It's the first time I can really remember feeling old--yes, I realized four isn't very old--and I'm convinced that feeling of age came because a part of my divine, eternal nature was activated. But this awareness came because my mom was taking care of my sister, and I knew that in a lot of ways, I should grow up to be like her. This childhood realization channeled the course of my life.

I have to wonder how much my family's scripture reading as a child influences just how much I love the scriptures now. I remember that at somewhere between 11 and 13 years old, I participated with the young women in a scripture activity, the oldest young women having taken seminary classes already. The leader would read a part of a commonly used scripture, and then we would race to see who could finish it. I remember being bewildered as time after time, I could finish the scripture. There was only one that I didn't know, ironically Alma 37:35, which counsels us to learn wisdom in our youth. In a flow of intelligence, these scriptures resonated with my core and somehow found their way out of my core in the form of words. At this time, I hadn't been able to finish the Book of Mormon on my own, but because my parents had lead family scripture study and taken me to church, I had been able to absorb a lot of spiritual knowledge that still brings me comfort and joy today.

I'm really grateful for my parents and for my childhood. I'm so blessed, and there have been so many people involved in helping me become ever closer to who I'm meant to be.