Last week, I bought some fresh green beans for the first time. When I cooked them, it really surprised me how much genuine pleasure I had in their texture and taste. Let's be honest; how many of us taste any plain vegetables and just melt because of how good they are?
My positive reaction to green beans wasn't necessarily because of their virtue, but rather because I was overwhelmed with memories from my childhood. I remembered going outside during the summer to search for green beans in our garden, picking through the snaking vines, verdant leaves, and dappled sunlight. My mom and little sister Alysia were there too; Stacy couldn't participate yet, so I was probably around seven years old. I loved it so much that I would imagine building a house with wire mesh walls and ceilings covered in green bean plants. After harvesting, I was always proud as I brought in a bowl of my finds to my dad so that he could cook them.
I've been realizing lately how much my childhood memories affect my perceptions and connotations. I'll be sitting in the car, listening to music, and I'll react positively to an 80's song the comes on; then I'll remember standing in front of my house, hearing 80's music drift from the garage where my dad is working with his tools. Or on the other hand, a classical song will come on, and I'll remember my dad reading a newspaper on the couch while a recorded orchestra plays; I can't help but appreciate music that reminds me of these happy, warm moments.
A strong part of my identity is that of caretaker; I feel a strong need to take care of people and make sure that they're OK. My earliest memory--or at least that I can think of--comes from a pre-school activity where I went to the zoo. I was probably four years old, and we painted our own shirts before we went. Because my little sister Alysia was only a year old, my mom started off by helping her. In that moment, I realized that I was an older sibling, and I needed to take care of my sister. I realized that the world wasn't always about me, and therefore my thoughts shouldn't be either. It's the first time I can really remember feeling old--yes, I realized four isn't very old--and I'm convinced that feeling of age came because a part of my divine, eternal nature was activated. But this awareness came because my mom was taking care of my sister, and I knew that in a lot of ways, I should grow up to be like her. This childhood realization channeled the course of my life.
I have to wonder how much my family's scripture reading as a child influences just how much I love the scriptures now. I remember that at somewhere between 11 and 13 years old, I participated with the young women in a scripture activity, the oldest young women having taken seminary classes already. The leader would read a part of a commonly used scripture, and then we would race to see who could finish it. I remember being bewildered as time after time, I could finish the scripture. There was only one that I didn't know, ironically Alma 37:35, which counsels us to learn wisdom in our youth. In a flow of intelligence, these scriptures resonated with my core and somehow found their way out of my core in the form of words. At this time, I hadn't been able to finish the Book of Mormon on my own, but because my parents had lead family scripture study and taken me to church, I had been able to absorb a lot of spiritual knowledge that still brings me comfort and joy today.
I'm really grateful for my parents and for my childhood. I'm so blessed, and there have been so many people involved in helping me become ever closer to who I'm meant to be.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Angels--Yes, I Mean You
Certain times in life are more difficult than others. Personally, most of my struggles occur in my own head. It's like Satan is perched on my shoulder, telling me things that aren't true or are taken out of context... and for some reason, occasionally, I decide to listen to him. Instead of saying no from the very beginning, I hear him out as if he actually has something potentially valuable to tell me.
Yeah, I can be really stupid sometimes. But wait!
There's something really beautiful that comes out of this scenario. I stumble and fall, but there is always a loving Heavenly Father watching out for me. When I'm too distraught to hear Him speak, convinced that I'm not worth His time-- it's funny how I think that even though He lives outside time and has perfect love for me--He sends me earthly angels that can physically deliver the message.
This happened to me a few weeks ago. I was convinced that I was a wretched human being and there was no way that anyone could ever care about me. That darn Satan! He had me in some trains of thought that I never should have boarded. But Heavenly Father knows me, and He plans around my failings.
I had so many people reach out to me that week, and most of them had no idea that I wasn't doing well. I had phone calls, visits from old friends, visits from new friends, written notes, spoken compliments, chalk messages around my car, and an overwhelming display of love from those around me. I don't think that my friends really remember the things that they did--they're the sort of people that serve lovingly, instinctively, and without a second thought--but it certainly meant a lot to me.
At a time when I didn't feel like I could reach out to anyone, God sent angels to comfort me. In the eclectic assortment of people that reached out to me, I saw Heavenly Father moving in majesty to comfort a single one of His children. I felt not only love from those people, but through them from Heavenly Father. And as soon as I was willing to acknowledge the possibility of that love in my life, I could feel it and know that it was true.
Isn't it beautiful? Heavenly Father loves me, and He loves you. We are His children, and we are His top priority. He speaks to us. He finds ways to reach us when we feel unreachable. He reaches to us through the Holy Ghost, through His prophets, through scripture, through other people, through the very earth that we walk on...and on the flip side, we are often instruments in His hands. He moves through us as we become in the smallest part like our Savior, serving Heavenly Father. We are all connected together and to our Father.
So when you're feeling down, open your heart to Him. Just be willing to look for His love for you. See it in the people around you. See it in the beautiful sky, or the words that He has spoken to you in the past. Remember the wonderful things that He has done for you, the wonderful person that He has made of you, because I promise that there is a lot of good in you. I promise that He loves you, and He is doing everything that He can for you to grow and become closer to Him. Your life is meaningful, and there is a plan for you.
Yeah, I can be really stupid sometimes. But wait!
There's something really beautiful that comes out of this scenario. I stumble and fall, but there is always a loving Heavenly Father watching out for me. When I'm too distraught to hear Him speak, convinced that I'm not worth His time-- it's funny how I think that even though He lives outside time and has perfect love for me--He sends me earthly angels that can physically deliver the message.
This happened to me a few weeks ago. I was convinced that I was a wretched human being and there was no way that anyone could ever care about me. That darn Satan! He had me in some trains of thought that I never should have boarded. But Heavenly Father knows me, and He plans around my failings.
I had so many people reach out to me that week, and most of them had no idea that I wasn't doing well. I had phone calls, visits from old friends, visits from new friends, written notes, spoken compliments, chalk messages around my car, and an overwhelming display of love from those around me. I don't think that my friends really remember the things that they did--they're the sort of people that serve lovingly, instinctively, and without a second thought--but it certainly meant a lot to me.
At a time when I didn't feel like I could reach out to anyone, God sent angels to comfort me. In the eclectic assortment of people that reached out to me, I saw Heavenly Father moving in majesty to comfort a single one of His children. I felt not only love from those people, but through them from Heavenly Father. And as soon as I was willing to acknowledge the possibility of that love in my life, I could feel it and know that it was true.
Isn't it beautiful? Heavenly Father loves me, and He loves you. We are His children, and we are His top priority. He speaks to us. He finds ways to reach us when we feel unreachable. He reaches to us through the Holy Ghost, through His prophets, through scripture, through other people, through the very earth that we walk on...and on the flip side, we are often instruments in His hands. He moves through us as we become in the smallest part like our Savior, serving Heavenly Father. We are all connected together and to our Father.
So when you're feeling down, open your heart to Him. Just be willing to look for His love for you. See it in the people around you. See it in the beautiful sky, or the words that He has spoken to you in the past. Remember the wonderful things that He has done for you, the wonderful person that He has made of you, because I promise that there is a lot of good in you. I promise that He loves you, and He is doing everything that He can for you to grow and become closer to Him. Your life is meaningful, and there is a plan for you.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Spiritual Heat Capacity
A while back, I was talking to a good friend, and she was sharing some difficult things from her life; I could empathize, and I did so. Her words acknowledged that her situation wasn't so bad; yes, her life could be worse. Yes, she knew that God loved her. But despite her marginally positive words, I could feel bitterness dribbling out of her intent and pooling around our feet.
I wanted to say something helpful. No one likes seeing their friends suffer. I wanted her to be happy; Heavenly Father wanted her to be happy.
I've never felt so stupid in my life. I couldn't convey anything meaningful, even though I could feel it just beyond my grasp.
In the days following this experience, I pondered the experience. I'm not stupid, and there are times when I can feel light flow through me, telling me exactly what I need to say and do. So why didn't it happen?
And then I learned a lot of things; like, A TON. I could feel a flow of intelligence starkly different from the memory that I contemplated. I learned about bitterness, hope, and....heat capacity.
CAUTION; this is the part where I explain how Heavenly Father used physics to teach me a spiritual concept.
In thermodynamics, the study of heat, there is a property called heat capacity. A material with high heat capacity requires a lot of energy transfer for temperature to change, whereas a material with low heat capacity easily changes temperature. For example, water has a high heat capacity. Metal has a low heat capacity; this is why you can burn yourself on a metal pan before the water inside it is even warm.
My spiritual heat capacity depends on how close I am to God. The closer I am to Him, the more negative energy it takes for me to be affected by the bitterness of others. The more I let Him change me, literally convert me into someone more like Him, the more resistant I am to worse influences. The closer I am to Him, the more power that I have to call upon to resist temptation.
Jesus Christ has a perfectly infinite spiritual heat capacity, hence he could take on all the sins of the world without being enticed by them. He took all our sins upon Him, and instead of becoming sinful, He just loved us all the more. God is love! (1 John 4:16) When I was talking to my friend, I drew closer to my friend's perspective than God's perspective, lowering my heat capacity and decreasing the light that I could have and share. I didn't just empathize with her bitterness, I was enticed by it. But life is good! God is good! There is no real reason to be bitter, everything is for our good! (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7)
I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ! I'm so grateful for the Atonement!
I wanted to say something helpful. No one likes seeing their friends suffer. I wanted her to be happy; Heavenly Father wanted her to be happy.
I've never felt so stupid in my life. I couldn't convey anything meaningful, even though I could feel it just beyond my grasp.
In the days following this experience, I pondered the experience. I'm not stupid, and there are times when I can feel light flow through me, telling me exactly what I need to say and do. So why didn't it happen?
And then I learned a lot of things; like, A TON. I could feel a flow of intelligence starkly different from the memory that I contemplated. I learned about bitterness, hope, and....heat capacity.
CAUTION; this is the part where I explain how Heavenly Father used physics to teach me a spiritual concept.
In thermodynamics, the study of heat, there is a property called heat capacity. A material with high heat capacity requires a lot of energy transfer for temperature to change, whereas a material with low heat capacity easily changes temperature. For example, water has a high heat capacity. Metal has a low heat capacity; this is why you can burn yourself on a metal pan before the water inside it is even warm.
My spiritual heat capacity depends on how close I am to God. The closer I am to Him, the more negative energy it takes for me to be affected by the bitterness of others. The more I let Him change me, literally convert me into someone more like Him, the more resistant I am to worse influences. The closer I am to Him, the more power that I have to call upon to resist temptation.
Jesus Christ has a perfectly infinite spiritual heat capacity, hence he could take on all the sins of the world without being enticed by them. He took all our sins upon Him, and instead of becoming sinful, He just loved us all the more. God is love! (1 John 4:16) When I was talking to my friend, I drew closer to my friend's perspective than God's perspective, lowering my heat capacity and decreasing the light that I could have and share. I didn't just empathize with her bitterness, I was enticed by it. But life is good! God is good! There is no real reason to be bitter, everything is for our good! (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7)
I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ! I'm so grateful for the Atonement!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
The Beginning
I've thought about starting a blog a few times before now, but I kept running into the same problem; why in the world would anyone care about what I have to say? After all, posting on the internet implies that I think people would or should be interested in my thoughts. Who am I to believe that?
Well, in short, I am just like everyone else; it's fantastic!
I love getting to know people. It fascinates me that everyone that I've ever made friends with, glanced at, or passed unknowingly has an eternal soul as unique and beautiful as a snowflake. They have memories that burn bright with feeling, and dreams they can hardly dare to entertain. They have regrets, and sacrifices, and reasons for everything that they do. And just like the stark, crystalline moment when I see a snowflake before it melts, I glimpse how beautiful people are in time for our paths to part.
In any given moment, I see people as they have never been and never will be again; they constantly change and grow, affected by the world around them and the world inside them.
Isn't it amazing? We're surround by souls that constantly change and ALWAYS matter. That guy who works in the cubicle across the hall? That girl who makes your sandwich at Subway? They have unlimited potential, and their very existence changes lives. That person on the class role who never seems to come? He is constantly living and feeling and needing something, even when you're not thinking about him, even if you've never seen his face. And throughout all this, there is a loving God that moves in majesty with omnipotence, omniscience, and a perfectly loving heart; He takes care of all of us because we are His number one priority. It's absolutely fantastic, complicated, and beautiful!
I am surrounded by so much wonder, and I want to drink it all in. I want to understand it, share it, and create it. I want to serve God as best I can because I'm so grateful for everything that He has given me. I've noticed that as I draw closer to Heavenly Father, the joy that I find in His truth multiplies, and I can't help but want to share something so life-altering and happy. And as I share it and live it, I create a life that I'm so happy to have.
So yes, I'm just like everyone else. It means that I'm unique, and I have something to offer the world. And along with this idea, all of you also have something valuable to say. I appreciate hearing different perspectives, because I certainly don't know everything, and I learn something from everyone in my life. So if you disagree with anything I say or have something to add, let me know please! I want to grow and learn.
Well, in short, I am just like everyone else; it's fantastic!
I love getting to know people. It fascinates me that everyone that I've ever made friends with, glanced at, or passed unknowingly has an eternal soul as unique and beautiful as a snowflake. They have memories that burn bright with feeling, and dreams they can hardly dare to entertain. They have regrets, and sacrifices, and reasons for everything that they do. And just like the stark, crystalline moment when I see a snowflake before it melts, I glimpse how beautiful people are in time for our paths to part.
In any given moment, I see people as they have never been and never will be again; they constantly change and grow, affected by the world around them and the world inside them.
Isn't it amazing? We're surround by souls that constantly change and ALWAYS matter. That guy who works in the cubicle across the hall? That girl who makes your sandwich at Subway? They have unlimited potential, and their very existence changes lives. That person on the class role who never seems to come? He is constantly living and feeling and needing something, even when you're not thinking about him, even if you've never seen his face. And throughout all this, there is a loving God that moves in majesty with omnipotence, omniscience, and a perfectly loving heart; He takes care of all of us because we are His number one priority. It's absolutely fantastic, complicated, and beautiful!
I am surrounded by so much wonder, and I want to drink it all in. I want to understand it, share it, and create it. I want to serve God as best I can because I'm so grateful for everything that He has given me. I've noticed that as I draw closer to Heavenly Father, the joy that I find in His truth multiplies, and I can't help but want to share something so life-altering and happy. And as I share it and live it, I create a life that I'm so happy to have.
So yes, I'm just like everyone else. It means that I'm unique, and I have something to offer the world. And along with this idea, all of you also have something valuable to say. I appreciate hearing different perspectives, because I certainly don't know everything, and I learn something from everyone in my life. So if you disagree with anything I say or have something to add, let me know please! I want to grow and learn.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)